Ask Duff

[ladyrose]

I never could listen a vinyl

[ladyrose]

Question for Duff: When Are You Going to Tell Your Daughters About, Um ... Everything?


By Duff McKagan, Mon., Dec. 20 2010 @ 9:57AM



In addition to his Thursday column, Duff McKagan is now answering reader questions throughout the week. Write to him at [e-mail].



Q: Can I pass that Q to you regarding the fact that your daughters are now on the verge of saying farewell to their childhood and at the gateways of starting to party? I know it's a tough question and I mean no disrespect, but I'm a father, too, and I get a chill down my spine whenever I put myself in the shoes of our RNR heroes having to deal with something like that. -- David



Duff: Well David, My kids ARE definitely now at the age where my past exploits in the 'darkness' are and will be talked about more and more in my house. But the thing that I have found that is very important for all topics with my kids, is the fact that we do actually talk about them (or at least, I try to approach them with certain ones).



Certain things will have come up already. When Grace was in the 3rd grade, she asked me why I didn't drink wine when everyone else did at dinner or 'grown-up' parties. I didn't think at that point that she was old enough to notice these types of things-and I took this as a wake-up call that my young kids are very astute. I think most young kids are.



Grace's query gave me an awesome and early opportunity to tell her about my past problems with alcohol and drugs. I told her these things in a way that did not scare her, but simply made her realize that these things were a bad thing for a guy like me. We have more recently hit on the topic that my alcoholism and addiction problems could very well be a family trait and that it is something that she and I should watch out for when she gets older. She knows very well about my past, and more than likely looks at those old photos of me as an embarrassment. I hope she does, anyway.



To add to all of this, and a dilemma that I am now facing, is the book that I am just now finishing. It is a story of redemption in the end, but it does tell my whole story-thorns, pimples, blood, puke, and all. I have told my kids of my past and they have seen the pictures and read the stories. That is all that I can do for now. Well no, there IS one other big thing I can do; and that is to be a loving and trustful Dad.



Hell, I can't hide too much can I? As I write this missive, I am recuperating from a surgery to fix my scarred sinuses from 17 year-old cocaine abuse! My MRI pictures of the battle in my cranium is enough to scare ANY kid straight!

[giangunner]

thank thank!!!
excellent

[Faridbak]

and yea some kids need to get scared about it too

[ladyrose]

it must have been really difficult for him when his daughter asked him about why he doesn't drink wine like any other adult.
....Kids are aware of everything, even the insignificant details

[marj]

Kids see/hear everything! Even when you think they're not listening becarefull what you say in front of them!

He did the right thing here, just explain simply when they ask question, but yes I bet it's not a very easy question to answer.

[Faridbak]

It is not , been there done that

[Illusion]

The 10 Things On My List: Thanks, Requests, and Christmas Wishes
By Duff McKagan, Thu., Dec. 23 2010 @ 6:51AM

Yes, last week was pretty damn interesting if you were me. At long last, I had surgery to repair my torn and damaged sinuses left non-functional after a long-ago bout with the cocaine. From sometime in 1989 until about November 1993, I snorted perhaps my body weight in varying degrees of good, bad, and straight-up shitty blow. I don't recommend this to any of you young readers. I was NOT such a smart 20-something. Nope, just an ordinary drug-addict.

I remember trying to glamorize all my drug and alcohol use back then. I would romanticize my life and my struggle as something noble and just. I was an ARTIST, maaan! I NEEDED to dull myself to certain inputs or else my art would suffer. Yep, before I knew it, I was strung-out and terrified. Crappy stuff.

Someone asked me about this stuff a while back, and "what are your kids gonna say when they start to party?" Some people ask me these things in an almost bellicose way, as if suffering through my kids' drug-abuse issues would be just payback for what I have done to myself. Hopefully, I was a big enough idiot in my time that I have filled the dumb-ass quota for my whole family. God, I hope so.

On another note, but still somewhat on-topic, I just got back from seeing The Fighter with Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale--a true story about boxer Micky Ward and his once-promising older brother who got addicted to crack in the mid-'80s. Christian Bale just fucking nailed the tics and physical traits of a crack guy, and I swear he must have studied an old drummer of mine, Steven Adler, for this part. I love Steven, so watching this portrayal reminded me of the heartbreak that I felt back then.

All right then, so it is Christmas, and most of you know that I am the It's a Wonderful Life-Is-My-Favorite-Movie-Ever guy. If you didn't know, well, now the rest of you do. In the "flavor" and mood of that particular film, I would now like to ask for some things, and give some thanks, for Christmas, my favorite time of year.

1. Please let this surgery fix the problems that my cocaine abuse has brought upon me. I don't want to go through another one of those procedures, 'cause that shit hurt!

2. Thanks for not letting me get strung out on the Oxys afterwards. That would have sucked pretty good.

3. I would like to give a shout-out and nod to those of you still suffering from active addiction at this moment. If you are reading this now, just know that things will get better if you really want to quit. If you think that you are incapable of stopping, please don't. I was that guy, the one whom everyone--including myself--had pegged as the one who wouldn't survive. If I can, then you can too.

4. Santa, please give my dog Buckley his testicles back. I need another dude in my household desperately!

5. Create some jobs this next year. For those families with children stuck without a home because of this recession, may you find a helping hand.

6. Bring our soldiers home!

7. Let Matt Hasselbeck either find his way over these next few weeks, or give us Seahawks fans something positive to live with this off-season.

8. Let Loaded reign supreme and dominate the planet in this year to come!

9. May all the readers of this column enjoy good health and immeasurable happiness this next year.

10. Thank you for letting me be born into this McKagan family. Our family Christmas parties are the best, loudest, funnest, and biggest celebrations of this type in Western Washington. I am so very grateful to witness now what I could have very well not been around for at all.

Merry Christmas, everyone.


Duff is so cool and good. I pay a lot of respect to him

[Faridbak]

Im starting to get hooked on reading his colum he is good at it

[ladyrose]

Axl and Duff are my heroes, I love them both!! Duff is awesome!!

[giangunner]

I agree with you lady and duff axl rose two great music

[Faridbak]

I love Izzy too

[marj]

He's just so smart! Everyone can do stupid things, but not everyone can realize and explain to the world it was stupid...
God I'd really like him to have a chat with a friend of mine. It so breaks my heart to see him that way!

[Faridbak]

I can understand that Marj been there too

[ladyrose]

Is sad when you see someone you love hurting himself/herself and no matter how hard you try, there's nothing you can do to change the way they feel or live. Is sad and it makes you feel powerless